Coping with the Negative Effects of Divorce When Children are Involved

Divorce can be compared to a death in the family and affects the lives of many people. It not only devastates the spouses who decide to end their marriage but it also greatly affects the children involved. For the children who have adored their parents and seen them happy together for many years as they were growing, this event can be very traumatic.

The level of trauma that a child can experience during divorce depends largely on how the parents help in the coping process of their children. Many kids who were provided with the proper guidance and support move on with their lives with few problems or permanent negative feelings toward a parent. For other kids, though, the negative effect can stay long.

When children are involved, divorcing parents should always put priority on the welfare of their kids. After finalizing a decision to go separate ways, spouses need to discuss with each other very important issues such as with whom the kids should stay, how the properties will be divided, how much child support should be provided and the frequency of visitation. When these issues are settled beforehand, the divorce process can proceed smoothly without even going to trial.

It would be ideal for parents who divorce to end up as friends or at least maintain a civil relationship for the benefit of the children. Children are very sensitive and they would know in one way or another if one parent is angry over the other. But if they see both parents still respectful of each other and remain friends, the stress they feel will somehow be reduced confident that no violent reactions will take place.

One way to aid children cope with this negative event in their life is to encourage them to be open to you about their feelings. Talk to them as often as possible and allow them to describe how they feel. In this way, parents will know how to provide comfort and reassurance to their children. It's important that the children know that they are loved and that they are not part of the problem that caused the divorce.

Allowing children to make their own choices is another way of helping them move on. By giving them the freedom to choose their own clothes, food and extra-curricular activities, they will feel confident about themselves. As they continue to develop their confidence, they can then move on with their daily routines without having to think about the divorce situation they're in.

If you think you need more support for yourself and your children, never hesitate to reach out to your close friends, parents and siblings, religious groups and therapists. You may want to appear strong for your kids but sometimes, it's never easy to look tough when deep down inside you're hurting. At least with a strong support system, going through this difficult situation can give you reassurance as well that you are capable of moving on with life with children who love you as much as you love them.