How to Help Kids Handle a Divorce Situation
Children are the most innocent victims in any divorce situation. They may
react in variety of ways and oftentimes, the emotions being expressed are
negative. Some negative emotions may be very overt such as the showing of
tantrums, frequent crying and being anxious or mad at one parent without valid
reasons. Other children may suppress their ill feelings which may show only in
their health condition such that they lose appetite and eventually lose weight
or they may not sleep well leading to reduced attention in class.
Parents are responsible for maintaining the sanity of their children in case
of divorce. In child custody arrangements, they should always protect the
welfare of the kids as much as possible to prevent them from developing hatred
or resentment towards one or both parents. There are ways you can help your kids
deal with the situation if only to lessen the stress created by this sad event
in your life. Patience, honesty and open communication are crucial as you help
each other move on with life despite the absence of one spouse.
- Maintain a civil relationship. Parents who divorce need to keep a civil
relationship between each other for the sake of the children. This is the best
thing to do to lessen the child's stress. Whatever conflicts you have, you just
keep it between yourselves.
- Be honest about the divorce situation. Always make it a point to open to
your child the real situation of your family. Once a decision to lead separate
lives has been reached, both parents should inform the child or children about
it without putting the blame on anybody. Be sure, though, to consider your
child's age, maturity and temperament when talking about the divorce.
- Give them as much information as needed. After telling your child that you
and your spouse will no longer live together in the house, gradually provide
other important information as well. The kids need to know what is going to
happen with their lives, which parent they will live with, where they will stay,
if they will move to a new place and new school, if they will still see their
other parent and the other changes that may have to take place notably
concerning their school and extra-curricular activities. To help you organize
child custody information including visitation schedule, there's a child
calendar and support software you can use.
- Reassure them of your love, understanding and support. Make sure to give
reassurance to your kids that you understand their ill feelings and that their
outburst of negative emotions is natural and okay. Tell them that no matter what
happens, you and your ex-spouse will always love and support them.
- Help them express their negative feelings. It's best to encourage your
children to express their frustration, sadness or anger. Tell them to be open
about what they feel concerning the divorce and that you're ready to listen to
what they have to say. When you do this, you allow your child to be honest with
his feelings and to let them out to you instead of diverting it to other things
and other people. This is then the time to ask them how you can help them cope.
- Take care of your health. Divorce is like a death in the family that causes
so much stress especially to a wife. However, it's not okay to neglect yourself
after this. Move on slowly and keep yourself healthy by eating well and getting
as much sleep as you can.
