Marriage Trouble, Relationship Problems and Faux Marriage Counseling

The other day I met with someone who could have described her situation as being in 'marriage trouble'. But "relationship problems and what happened after marriage counseling" would be more accurate. Although she and her partner were not officially married they were together for over six years and saw themselves as married. So when she called me she wasn't exactly sure how to encapsulate her situation over the phone. But no matter, we decided to meet with each other anyway.

Neither she nor her significant other read my book so when she was frustrated with her partner's behaviors she told him to go get counseling. Ouch!

Unfortunately the therapist he found at the advice, ironically, from a friend of hers, really got into his stuff. The therapist told him he had "closeness issues" (whatever the heck that means!) and shouldn't be in any relationship until he worked through them. When he asked her how long that would take she said about a year.

This poor guy took the advice from someone he considered to be an expert, a professional (the title of doctor does inspire that), and he ended the relationship immediately. Did I forget to mention there are a couple of children involved?

So four people's lives were completely disrupted based upon the advice of some therapist who was obviously educated beyond her intelligence and completely lacked common sense.  It is my humble opinion that only an insensitive idiot would take a man out of a perfectly natural situation within which he could practice "closeness" (if he actually even needed to) and put him in therapy to study it; yet these types of prescriptions are way too common to be written off as an exception. Is it any wonder why people with marriage trouble or relationship problems usually end up getting a divorce soon after they receive marriage counseling?

A 50% Divorce Rate Says it All

Just about everybody believes if you're having marital problems you should get counseling, and most people do. So I will ask the obvious question. If most people are getting marriage counseling when they are having troubles in their marriage or relationship why is there such a high rate of divorce? Are most people simply too stupid to be married? Is marriage meant to only be a place of suffering and endurance? Because, you know most people are not happily married. I can assure you, I have worked with many people, including well-known Hollywood types, who are very good at hiding their marital problems. So what's the deal?

Even Simple Things Need to be Understood

Nobody gets behind the wheel of a car until they have been trained to drive and have been taught the basics about the construction of a motor vehicle. Yet public and private schools fail to teach basic 'how to live' skills. Future husbands and wives can construct sentences and do basic algebra but know nothing of gender differences or essential interrelationship skills. Even the few very fortunate souls who naturally understand what is required in a marriage are never asked the secret of their success because the joy they feel is not meant to be exposed to a callous world.

Your own situation is most likely much more simple to completely turn around than you can imagine. The so-called fixes are natural and intuitive; they just need to be shown to you. Don't give up just because this crazy world tries to hide the joy you're seeking in your marriage; you deserve it and you can have it. You will be pleasantly surprised at how unbelievably simple having a dream marriage is.