The Challenges of Interfaith Marriages
When two individuals get
married they are combining families along with all of the traditions, joys,
sorrows and prejudices that are part of their family's heritages. Interfaith marriages definitely
contribute to the complexity of combining families.
On the other hand when two come together in Holy matrimony they become the
foundation of future generations. This is a beginning of future generations and
the decisions of the newlyweds are what matters.
Interfaith Marriages don't
Matter to God
Marriage is an invention
of God's. Although God's laws are "defined" through religion His love
is the universal component in all religions and the most important reality.
While one religion may suggest the worship of God while on your knees and
another religion has you standing up while you pray, both religions are praying
to the same God. It is the guidance of God's rules for happiness that helped
both individuals become good people as interpreted through their family first
and religion second... right?
The families of both bride
and groom sacrificed tremendously in order to protect and properly care for
their respective children so when they suddenly announce their intention of
marrying outside of their faith it is taken as a rejection of their values and
a lack of appreciation for what they did; it is understandable. But it is not a
rejection of the parents, at worst it is an assertion of a new beginning.
The Spiritual Aspect of
God and His Love Underlines all Religions and all Marriages
Marriage is a Spiritual Union
The couple who marries vow
to each other with God as their witness, and it is God who sanctifies the
marriage. The couple doesn't have to worry about who performs the marriage
ceremony; it will still be a Holy matrimony. But they do have to decide how
they will raise their children.
Future Parents must
Make Decisions for their own Family
A universal reality is that
once a couple joins together in matrimony and leaves the house of their parents
they begin a new family and new lineage. Sometimes parents don't understand
what that means at first. Because of their love and attachment they insist upon
continuing to impose their own values on the new family that they consider to
be an offshoot of their own, and it is. But it is independent, taking root in
its new soil, and the new couple must choose for themselves the destiny of
their family.
It is wise and loving for
parents to be supportive of whatever decision the couple makes and not try to
influence them.
It is very important for
the future parents to decide how their children will be raised. After all,
marriage in the faith of the children is creating consistency and security for
them. Putting off the presumed "shock" is not helpful. Your parents
deserve the consideration of your honesty. If they reject you because of your
decision you must understand that you knew when you started dating outside your
faith that yours may become an interfaith marriage. You chose to put your
future in your own hands even if it meant partial or total rejection from your
parents and now is not the time to judge them. Let them have time for the
reality to sink in. Let them come to a resolution in their own mind and in
their own way; no selling or cajoling.
Your Family will be
Defined by the Values you Adhere To
Now is the time to
practice the art of discussions. In my book Lessons
For A Happy Marriage I help couples
learn the art of marital discussions. You may wish to review the principles and
techniques found there. But in the meantime remember some very important points
1) Be nice - control your
behavior no matter how you feel
2) Be understanding - no one has a handle on ultimate truth except God
3) Be loving - care deeply for all you interact with
